If your struggle to get a good night’s sleep is specific to being in bed next to your partner, it might be time to divorce sleep.
But don’t worry, because unlike the real process, this process won’t require a lawyer or all the paperwork.
A sleep divorce is simply sleeping apart, in separate beds or bedrooms so you can both get the best sleep possible, says Shelby Harris, a licensed clinical psychologist and director of sleep health at Sleepopolis.
As extreme as it may sound, a dream divorce can save your relationship if your inability to sleep at night has brought you to a breaking point.
“I actually recommend that couples do this sometimes, and it doesn’t mean their relationship is in trouble,” says Harris. “It just means that they’re actually valuing their relationship and their health as well.”
This is when most people should consider a dream divorce and how to do it successfully.
5 Reasons You Might Need a Night Divorce
According to Harris, you may want to consider a nightly divorce when you and/or your partner:
Have different sleep patterns or schedules (night owls versus early risers) Are light sleepers/alarm interrupts sleep Snore loudly Move around a lot in sleep Have different preferences (bedding, temperature, light exposure, etc.)
However, you shouldn’t take the plunge without resolving issues first, especially if you value sleeping in the same bed, she says.
If you wake up long before your partner and your alarm clock disturbs their sleep, maybe consider a vibrating pillow or clock as an alarm, suggests Harris.
You can also consider using a night light while you get ready in the morning, to avoid interfering with your partner’s sleep.
If snoring or constant movement while sleeping is a problem, Harris recommends that you or your partner be evaluated for possible sleep apnea problems.
“If all of those things are done and it’s still a problem, then we might make a conscious decision to sleep apart,” says Harris. “Sleeping apart is totally fine.”
Tips for a successful dream divorce
But for a nighttime divorce to be beneficial to your relationship, there are a few things you can do to set yourself up for success, according to Harris, including the approach you take when suggesting it to your partner.
Approaching a dream divorce proposal the wrong way can lead to a buildup of resentment, so she suggests considering how you present the idea.
“You have to make the decision consciously together. It can’t be something reactive like ‘You snore so much, so I’m going to sleep somewhere else,’ or kick someone out of the room,” he says.
Plus, you want to make sure no one feels like where you sleep is less favorable than where the other person sleeps, he adds.
“So it’s not like a person is ideally relegated to the couch. You want them to have a comfortable spot,” says Harris.
And sleeping in separate rooms doesn’t have to affect your privacy, she says. “That’s what people are worried about, that it will lead to an actual divorce or separation.”
To avoid this, she recommends having a space where you can spend intimate moments together, whenever you want, before heading to your separate rooms.
Before the decision, it might also be useful to think of a response to the possible judgment of family or friends.
To this end, Harris suggests letting them know how much sleep over divorce can actually benefit your relationship.
“When people do it and make that decision, it’s very liberating,” he says, “and people trust it.”
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Source: news.google.com