By Michael J Nichols
Perspectives of those who work and live in the criminal justice system. Sign up to receive “Life Inside” by email every week.
When I went to prison at the age of 19, my biggest fear was being hurt by other people serving time. So when I walked through the prison gates, I assumed the persona of a deadly gangster. I did things that landed me in the “hole,” jargon for administrative segregation, over and over again.
At the Potosi Correctional Center, the maximum-security Level 5 prison in Missouri where I am currently serving life without parole for murder, the hole is typically a 7-by-9-foot concrete room. This room has a steel door with a slot to receive meals and a small window to see outside. Inside there is only a crib, a thin mattress, a toilet and a sink. You can only shower once a week and spend an hour outside each day. Sometimes you can’t receive mail. And while you can yell at other prisoners, you can’t see them. If you are not prepared for these conditions, they can drive you crazy.
In early 2022, when I turned 50, I had just spent a year in the hole in another Missouri prison after a riot. The Reverend Mary Mitchell, a minister and long-time friend, asked me how I did it. She wanted to share any advice she had with the other inmates she corresponds with. Now, to reach an even larger audience, here are my top 10 tips for surviving the hole:
Make time, don’t let time make you. For me, that meant getting up after breakfast and staying awake. I refused to sleep all day.
Drilling will be one of your most productive activities on the hole. Set goals that you can actually see and feel based on how long you think you’ll be there. For example, I wanted ripped abs. I started out doing 500 sit-ups and leg lifts every day and gradually increased that number to 3,000. Now I’m a unicorn, the weird 50-something with a stomach that looks like a Spartan warrior.
Read whatever you have access to: the Bible, the Koran, “The Science of Mind” or even the dictionary. The guards, I call them “Demogorgons”, would rather see you freaking out than reading any kind of literature.
Learn new things, even if they are small. I increased my vocabulary by studying the dictionary. I also taught myself to write legibly with my left hand. Every morning he would write a positive affirmation with his right hand and then rewrite it with his left. Simple things like this can produce beautiful benefits.
Stay away from frivolous conversations with other captives. For example, discussions of government politics, street politics, and prison politics only lead to arguments. Instead, focus on topics that sharpen others, such as spirituality, history, business, and legal issues.
Because the Demogorgons often have an agenda to keep you in administrative segregation, they will try different methods to anger you. Learn to observe but not to respond to his antagonism. When a prison officer catches you for your recreation or shower time, don’t get mad, take action and end up with 30 more days in the hole. Do your exercises in your cell and wash in the sink.
Always leave the cell when opportunity allows. Go to the shower. go to rec go to doctor Go where you’re allowed because getting out of that cement box destroys what I call cellular anxiety. This form of anxiety occurs when you avoid leaving your cell because you think the guards are going to do a search and take something you consider valuable. No doubt the Demogorgons will take things from you. But when you’re always leaving, they tend not to come into your cell because you don’t show the fear that most people do.
Write letters: to loved ones, to ministers of your religious tradition, to libraries and organizations that send literature to prisoners. He writes to the courts on matters he considers unfair. He writes to legislators about possible laws. He just writes.
File complaints about any legitimate problem. I have filed complaints about live electrical wires hanging from broken outlets and water coming out of the ceiling. I have written complaints about how case managers handled my legal materials while I was in the hole. I have also advocated for my right to have a religious text in addition to the Bible and the Koran. Administrators hate prisoners who submit paperwork because it forces them to do more than just torture you. They may release him quicker than they would a man who has no complaints about his situation.
Always practice your faith. Day after day, I prayed, pondered, and took Bible-related correspondence courses. I also practiced martial arts and breathing techniques, and worked on improving my foresight. For me, faith is the most important survival tool. Faith is what got me through my worst moments in the hole.
The Missouri Department of Corrections Office of Public Information did not respond to all questions at the time of publication. The deputy director of the Southeast Correctional Center, where Nichols spent a year in administrative segregation, said the prison was unable to answer questions, including those about complaints filed.
Michael J. Nichols was born and raised in Kansas City, Missouri. At age 19, he was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison without parole. Now 50, Nichols is the co-author of “My Quest for Ancient Wisdom: A Prisoner’s Journey of Transformation.” He is also the founder of the Kiwa Thinking Network, a spiritual organization, and is working on a new book, “Penitentiary Science.” He is currently being held at the Potosi Correctional Center in Mineral Point, Missouri.
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