A man found support online after revealing he was unknowingly funding his ex-wife’s lifestyle, and the internet is criticizing the woman and her daughter for the situation.
The now-viral post, titled “AITA to stop funding,” has garnered 8,800 upvotes and 800 comments since it was shared on June 1. Redditor @throwdilemm shared the post on the “Am I the A**hole” subreddit and found his cheating wife eight years ago.
The wife of the original poster (OP) left him after that, and although he had shared custody of their children, who are now 21 and 19, they wanted to stay with their mother. His father was fine with that as long as he could see them.
“I worked more and got better income and covered all his extra expenses even after the youngest turned 18,” the man explained. “I even paid for the college funds myself even though the court ordered that we both pay equally. Besides paying for tuition, I paid for every other expense (car, expensive clothes, electronics, vacations, etc.) even though after a while my daughter was almost out of contact.”
His daughter texts him the amount and where to send it, and the OP agrees. But two weeks ago, her 19-year-old son knocked on her father’s door after she hadn’t heard from him for two months.
The OP’s son told him that his sister dropped out of college after a couple of months and that the OP has been “funding” his ex’s “lifestyle” and their new kids all these years since her partner dumped her after her third child.
The OP continued: “My daughter has been using me as well as my son to help her mother and her own lifestyle. When I found out about this, I stopped the money train. It turns out that neither my ex nor my daughter works, and They used my cash to finance their lifestyle. Now they can be evicted if I don’t keep paying. I’m not going to eliminate my son because he came clean.”
According to Statista, in 2021 there were 214.21 million unemployed in the world. That number has decreased since 2020 when the number of unemployed people was 223.67 million.
In a comment to another user, the OP added that he offered his daughter to stay with him. “She says only on the condition that her mother and her half-siblings are also allowed,” the OP wrote. “She says they won’t stay here as long as my wife and two young children are here.”
But that wasn’t all she wanted. “She wants me to put them up for rent or send them to my in-laws until she can help sort out her and her mom’s financial and living situation and get her back to the way she was,” she continued. “I can’t do that. It’s not fair to my wife and little kids.” She also added that she wants the OP to find them a smaller rental: a five-bedroom apartment.
A woman is being criticized for using her ex to finance her lifestyle. Here, a woman smiling while wearing a brown jacket.
THOMAS NORTHCUT/GETTY
Although the OP suggested family therapy, his daughter says she’ll forgive him when he starts paying for things again. “She says I owe it to her mother, since we were married before, to take care of her three other children until they come of age,” the OP said. “I don’t think that’s my responsibility at all. Especially since I’ve done it for so many years when they weren’t my kids.”
As for the OP’s son, he now lives with his father and was told that he can live there for free and will also receive an allowance. However, this fall he needs to have a part-time job or go back to school.
Turns out her son had an argument with his ex because she wanted him to “ask for a higher monthly payment,” and the OP’s son “felt bad about it and felt it was time to tell him.”
The OP’s daughter has been sending him over 40 messages a day, as well as calls “asking” for money, since they can’t pay next month’s rent on a six-bedroom house.
“She came to my house but refuses to be under the same roof as my wife,” he added. “So she wanted me to go with her to talk about it further at a restaurant. I told her to talk to me at my house or not to talk to me at all.”
Also, the OP revealed that his ex’s boyfriend left almost four years ago. He was unaware that he was “barely” working and reasoned, “It seems he was financing everyone’s lifestyle.”
Most people side with the OP and criticize his ex for using his money to finance his and his daughter’s lifestyle. A Reddit user who doesn’t think the man is wrong pointed out that his daughter is an adult and that she “chose to lie and steal from him.”
“You are not responsible for your ex or their children,” they said. “There are these things called jobs that most people get to make money and support themselves. Starbucks and Trader Joe’s pay well.”
One Redditor called the daughter and her mother “older assholes,” and they didn’t stop there with their thoughts on the matter.
“Your ex was a cheating scumbag, and your daughter excuses it and thinks you owe her and her nasty mom,” they wrote. “You’re both gold diggers and they played you for a fool. I’m glad you found out about her cheating and the fact that you were rooting for her partner only adds insult to injury.”
Another user pulled no punches and voted NTA, or not the **hole as his verdict. “And the damn audacity of these women is unfathomable,” they added. “Do they want you to get your wife and kids out so they can move out? Are they on drugs? I think it’s about time they hit the job application circuit and learn to support themselves.”
One Redditor thinks the OP’s daughter and her ex are “so selfish”, and even added that if he wanted to, they’re “sure” he could sue them.
“If they try to fight you over it, I’d let them know they’re lucky you’re not suing them,” they said. “I’m so mad at her daughter for thinking her choices are a good way to live her life.”
Another user thinks that the OP should continue to help his son when he approached him and confessed to him. “Your ex messed you up and has been reaping the benefits beyond need,” they wrote. The user also added: “They are adults, they need to figure it out for themselves. You supported your children throughout their lives and did your part.”
Tips came in as to what the OP should do in the situation. “No, NTA,” said one user. “Your daughter of his is an adult. So is his wife. They’ve been lying and essentially stealing from you. Cut them off and let them get jobs to pay for themselves.”
One user thinks the OP should continue to support his son, but was advised to “take steps to ensure the money goes where” it is intended. “What your ex-wife and daughter did is horrible,” they added. “They made her bed, now they have to sleep in it.”
Newsweek reached out to Redditor @throwdilemm for comment.
This isn’t the only viral moment involving families. The internet was torn apart by a stepmom who picked up her drunk stepson from a party. A wife received support for tricking her in-laws into eating her food. In addition, the Internet defended a mother who put a lock on the bedroom door of her 10-year-old son.
Source: www.newsweek.com