I am the parent of an adult son with serious mental health issues. Over the past decade, since the onset of symptoms and multiple failed attempts at an accurate “diagnosis,” our family has learned a great deal about teamwork, self-care, support and acceptance, none of which we knew at the start of our trip.
This is what I have learned about family involvement in the healing and recovery of a loved one.
1. Know that your participation can improve results
As a family member, you can be a trusted source for providing an accurate medical and family history to your loved one’s clinical team. Your hands-on experience is key to delivering relevant and timely clinical updates – you know your child, parent or sibling better than anyone. In addition, you can play a vital role as an advocate within the applicable legal and health systems. Your loved one will benefit if you are able to “quarterback” the team, selecting and coordinating the maze of available resources.
2. Prepare for a marathon, not a sprint
One of our doctors reminded me early on to “prepare for a marathon; not a sprint.” Whenever the going got tough, he repeated the mantra “take a long view.” This has been invaluable because mental health recovery is not linear; it’s a rollercoaster ride. But it has gotten easier over time. Learning to manage your energy levels around this emotionally and physically taxing job requires a lot of self-care, especially since you have no control over when symptoms appear.
I relied on rituals and practices for my own well-being and made a point of nourishing myself and replenishing my own needs. I focused on gratitude, especially when things were going well. I’ve found it helpful to celebrate every win along the way, not skipping anything, no matter how small.
Finally, it is important to manage your financial resources accordingly by preserving as much capital as possible with each election, as your expenses are likely to last a lifetime.
3. Build a Support Village
At the beginning, it is important to start building an “A” team of outpatient professionals who will be your “people.” These are people who will support you and your family member. You’ll benefit from multiple layers of support in more ways than you can imagine.
As you build your team, keep in mind that not all care is created equal. There is enormous variability between the quality and types of care depending on your personal resources, access to providers, and the state and community where you live. Beware of Internet marketing of treatment programs that claim they will solve all your problems. It is not so simple. To pay for all this, you’ll need to become an expert in navigating the complex and frustrating maze of health insurance.
Here is a list of providers you will want to know about:
Psychiatrist (traditional and/or holistic, and possibly licensed in addiction medicine specialty) Therapist(s), including family therapy, individual therapy, couples therapy (this can be the same person if their skill level is appropriate) Worker psychiatric social worker to help with resources Disability benefits advocate Attorneys (probate and possibly guardianship) Personal trainer/life coach for children Assertive Community Treatment (ACT) Team, which consists of a community group of medical, behavioral health, and rehabilitation that use a team approach to meet the needs of a person with serious and persistent mental health problems. They are usually government funded with the intention of keeping clients out of hospitals. Their quality varies by local community and organizational leadership. Educational consultant to assist with placement in residential treatment programs Be sure to interview them to determine how much experience they have in the mental health field and to determine the need for residential or outpatient treatment. Good consultants can be invaluable when they visit programs, usually annually, to determine who is doing what they say they are going to do. In some cases, their credentials are enough to help you get into a program or even select the best therapist.
4. Practice radical acceptance
One of the most emotionally challenging, yet important, pieces is learning to reframe your expectations of what your child could have been for who your child is. You can witness your child go from a near-death experience to showing his unique and special purpose on the planet, and sometimes more than once.
You may experience stages of grief as you navigate your loved one’s mental health journey, as you are likely to experience what is known as an “ambiguous loss.” This occurs when the person is still physically alive, but not the person they used to be (this is also common with conditions like Alzheimer’s and dementia, among others).
When you can meet them where they are, not where you expected them to be, it helps with both connection and hope. I have learned that my own acceptance of “what is” is one of the most important parts of my happiness and my relationship with my loved one. When I am in the present moment, focusing on where they are right now, not where I maybe expected them to be, I am grateful. Enjoying my connection with them and appreciating their gifts and knowledge gives me hope.
5. Surround yourself with supportive and empathetic friends
Your life experiences may be radically different from most of your friends. As such, he may notice friendships change; some old ones will leave, and some new ones will enter. It’s helpful to appreciate how difficult it can be for your old friends to understand how different your experience is from theirs.
My own experience is that some people feel so uncomfortable that they stop asking about their family member, so as not to “bother” them, not realizing that they are actually the ones who are upset, and you’d appreciate hearing from them!
Setting healthy boundaries is important to preserve your ability with friends. Become a master at saying “no.” Avoid overcommitting yourself, even if it felt good at one point in your life, as things are different now. Finally, I recommend reducing your exposure to social media, as it can be refreshing to see what others post when you and your loved ones are struggling.
6. Stay person-centered
Your loved one needs to learn through trial and error how to manage their own mental health, as this is the only thing that will be sustainable in the long run. To help, it is important that you use recovery-oriented language, such as “mental or behavioral health” versus “mental illness” challenge. Practice reframing your thinking from the “disease” model to “different or non-neurotypical thinking,” to remove judgment, help decrease stigma, and expand possibilities for you and them.
7. Be open to exploring outside of the standard medical model
My own bias was that the “medication first” model was the only approach to stabilizing severe symptoms. And medication is important. In the long term, however, people with mental health problems will benefit greatly from a comprehensive wellness system, including: trusting relationships with family and a close circle of friends; an experienced therapist and psychiatrist; adequate nutrition for your physical constitution; regular exercise; and meditation, breathing exercises, and other calming and restorative practices.
Finally, I invite you to trust the process of life: the right people and possibilities will appear when necessary. What is possible may be different and greater than anything you have ever imagined.
Susan S. Freeman, MBA, PCC, NCC is an ICF and EMCC accredited executive and team coach, leadership development consultant, speaker, and author of “Step Up Now: 21 Powerful Principles for People Who Influence Others.” Her passion is working with senior business leaders and teams helping them lay the critical foundations needed to scale. She writes about humanistic leadership based on her unique system that combines western strategy and eastern wisdom. Entrepreneur Press will publish her new book, “Inner Switch: How Ancient Wisdom can Transform Modern Leaders” in May 2023. Visit her at www.susansfreeman.com.
Source: news.google.com