DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who doesn’t believe in tips. Absolutely. Ever. There is no tip for drivers, hairdressers, hotel staff, waiters, etc.
She believes people should insist on a fair wage from their employer and says it’s not her job to supplement your paycheck.
This is an honorable idea, and one I wish was feasible. However, it is not reality. Because of this, I always ask for separate checks at restaurants and give a small tip to compensate.
My dilemma is that she wants to invite me to dinner at her favorite restaurant for an important birthday. I know she won’t tip.
Should I have some cash and put some money on the table? Should she say something about being uncomfortable with her tipping posture? It will be difficult to refuse the invitation.
KIND READER: Here is an example where it is wrong to practice what you preach.
Miss Manners also deplores the tipping system, for many reasons, but she still tips. As you say: reality. Failure to do so would not influence a policy change, but would simply penalize underpaid staff.
But your birthday dinner is no time to try to retrain your hostess. Not even to show it.
What you could do is put some money in an envelope and keep it in your bag until the end of the meal, when you have thanked your friend lavishly. You can then add to the server, “And thanks for making it so nice,” and deliver it.
If your friend challenges you, you can say, “Birthday privilege! You gave me pleasure and I want to spread it to others.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and I went to a semi-formal dinner where spaghetti was the main course. My brother and a couple others cut it with a knife and ate it. I spun it on my fork, which of course takes more time.
I was told it was impolite for making others wait at the table while I finished my plate. What you say?
KIND READER: The blatant rudeness here surprises Miss Manners. But she has nothing to do with spaghetti.
Were your dinner companions berating you for not serving food quickly enough? And you wonder if they know the fine points of etiquette?
No, not them. Twirling the fork is the correct way to eat spaghetti. But please don’t add to the accumulated rudeness of this dinner by pointing that out to them.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find it disconcerting when someone compliments me (eg on my shoes, my effort on a project, etc.) and I say “Thank you” only to have them reply “You’re welcome!”
This feels as if, by offering their compliment, they are granting a huge favor. I’m not sure I see it the same way. What are your thoughts?
KIND READER: That there is nothing to be gained by arguing with someone who is good enough to compliment you.
Submit your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Source: www.mercurynews.com