Divorce can be bitter and painful. It is probable that before it materialized, the atmosphere at home was unpleasant. In the disintegration of everything you know so far, your parents’ divorce could shake the foundational blocks of you as an individual. It can leave you vulnerable, unstable, angry, hurt, and even guilty. You may be wracked with negative emotions and somehow in your confusion think that your guilt led to the divorce. But feelings like this are natural. You just need to learn how to deal with parental divorce over time.
Here are some tips for dealing with your parents’ divorce:
1. Their divorce is not your fault:
Many parents choose to divorce when there are problems such as constant fighting and arguing, misunderstandings, disrespect, infidelity, abuse or substance abuse problems. You might even mistakenly feel that their divorce has something to do with you. However, your parents’ divorce may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Remember that their actions are not your fault, and it can help you work through your feelings of heartbreak about your divorce.
A divorce in progress can affect the home environment. Image Courtesy: Shutterstock
2. Acknowledge that your feelings are valid:
Anger, confusion, sadness, hurt – these are all normal feelings when your parents get divorced. Your feelings are real, valid, and that’s normal. Acknowledge these feelings, but don’t let them consume you. Many young people suppress their emotions. But when these feelings are invalidated, they will lead to harmful and self-destructive behavior. You may end up dealing with these feelings in ways you never thought possible.
3. Learn to deal with stress:
Stress is not caused by the event but by our response to it. For many, especially younger children, parental divorce can be the most stressful event of their lives to date. Even more so, if you have no one to talk to. Therefore, you need to find things that ease your stress level. Find things that you enjoy doing, as it will take the stress off your mind.
4. Know that you cannot fix your marriage:
Many children think that if they did more for their parents or were better children, their parents would not get divorced. However, repairing your marriage is not your problem. She can tell them that she loves them and wants to have a healthy relationship with them individually. It is also not acceptable for you to act as a messenger for them and relay messages from one household to another.
Also read: Fighting parents can harm a child’s mental health, so calm down!
Don’t get unduly stressed and talk to the people around you. Image Courtesy: Shutterstock
5. Don’t be afraid to talk to your parents:
Many kids don’t want to afflict their parents anymore and end up holding back their feelings instead of finding a healthier way to deal with the parents’ divorce. But the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is talk to them. Whether you feel lost, angry, sad, or disappointed, you need to tell them how you feel. It’s okay to want them to get back together. But the most important thing is that you recognize that they must be happy.
6. Seek help:
Talking things over with someone you trust will help. Talking with parents or friends helps. However, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. Maybe you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger about problems at home, or feel guilty or think you’re letting your parents down by talking to someone. However, seeking professional help will help you acknowledge your feelings and provide you with information on how to deal with the situation.
Also Read: 5 Parenting Tips For A Single Mom Dealing With Divorce
The last word
Divorce can negatively affect children in many areas; psychological, physical, emotional, financial and even academic. Its impact can cause a ripple effect and can leave a lasting effect on your psychological makeup. Therefore, if your parents are going through a divorce, it is pertinent that you evaluate your emotions and obtain the necessary tools to help you feel better.
Source: www.healthshots.com