Are you in a relationship with your partner or your phone?
getty
Many people come to therapy hoping to improve the communication they have with their partner. They may say things like:
“We spend a lot of time together, but I still worry that we are drifting apart.” “I feel like my partner is always on their phone. She is giving me anxiety.” “I’m not sure either of them really know how to ‘unplug’.”
These are valid concerns. A recent study published in the academic journal Media Psychology found that excessive use of technology, compared to other leisure activities, significantly increased conflict and dissatisfaction in relationships. Other research published in Sex and Marital Therapy found that technoference can sour the sexual chemistry of a relationship.
Here, I’ll talk about four ways to protect your relationship from technoference, phubbing, and other negative influences of modern technology.
#1. Don’t use your phone for anything you don’t feel comfortable telling your partner about.
Sometimes it’s not the technology that’s driving a wedge in your relationship, it’s the lack of trust. You may wonder what your partner is doing when she is on her phone for long periods of time. What are they smiling about? Why do they look so interested? What do they know that I don’t?
These kinds of thoughts can weigh heavily on you. They can make you jump to conclusions or question the status of your partnership.
It is important to express these concerns to your partner. Tell them you feel isolated when you’re on the phone and ask them to take a break or set limits.
Similarly, monitor your own use of technology to make sure your partner doesn’t feel isolated either. Let your partner know what you’re doing on your phone, try to include them when you can, and avoid any activity that could compromise your partner’s trust in you and your relationship.
#two. Use technology in ways that enhance your relationship, don’t neglect it.
Do you and your partner have a favorite TV show that you always watch together? Planning a weekly ‘Netflix and chill’ night? Do you have a shared social media account that you both contribute to? Are you involved together in any online community around a similar interest that you have?
Here are some of the ways you can use technology to deepen your connection.
Try to avoid bad habits, such as:
Check your phone or email shortly after returning from work. Relationship scientists talk about relationship ‘jet lag’, a feeling of disconnection that occurs when a couple reunites after spending a period of time apart, such as being at work all day. To break relationship jet lag fast, focus your attention solely on your partner and avoid any technological distractions.
Don’t check your phone during dinner or lunchtime. Your mother probably asked you to turn off the television during dinner when you were little. Apply the same tag to your phone.
#3. Set technology boundaries and hold each other accountable.
What technological boundaries have you set for yourself and your relationship? Do you have a day without a phone? Do you try to minimize your screen time after 8pm?
If you’re experiencing technoference in your relationship, it’s important to have a conversation with your partner about what boundaries need to be set to keep your relationship in a healthy place.
#4. Tip the scales in favor of active leisure activities.
While technology can help you and your relationship when used correctly, its powers to increase happiness pale in comparison to traditional forms of entertainment. A study published in Social Psychology and Personality Science found that people who engage in more active leisure activities, such as praying, socializing, and exercising, tend to be happier than people who engage in more passive leisure activities, such as watching television , take a nap and rest. .
Moving the body is one of the keys to happiness. It’s almost lost when you’re on your phone, tablet, or TV.
conclusion
With a little effort, technology can turn a net negative into a net positive for your relationship. To break the pattern of technoference, remember to (1) use your phone in ways your partner would approve of, (2) use technology to do more together, (3) set limits on screen time, and (4) don’t choose your phone over other hobbies or active leisure activities.
Source: news.google.com