Like teaching a child to ride a bike, sending your student off to college requires a delicate balance between knowing when to hold on and when to let go. Dr. David Onestak, director of the James Madison University Counseling Center, shares advice often heard from “veteran” parents on how “new” parents can help students survive the rough waters of freshman year.
Convey confidence. The bravery of students heading off to college often masks fears and doubts. Parental encouragement is more important than students often acknowledge.
Avoid “new leaf syndrome”. Instead of turning a page, the transition to college brings up old problems. Students with a history of mental health problems should maintain relationships with their providers and continue prescribed therapies. Help your student take more ownership of health-related issues, such as taking over-the-counter medications, making an appointment, and learning the basics of health insurance.
Keep the lines of communication open. When parents respond too harshly to a student’s mistake, the student may no longer provide important information about grades, roommate problems, or dating relationships. As a result, minor problems can turn into major crises.
Do not rush and solve problems. Students often don’t take responsibility until parents step back. Students need the experience of solving problems on their own.
Be realistic about grades. Students will face difficult and demanding courses. Not all high school standouts will be college standouts.
Use technology to connect, not to monitor. Talk to your student about how and how often to touch base. If you are using tracking devices to monitor your student, please consider giving them up. Doing so communicates that the world is not continually dangerous and that you trust them to make good decisions.
Don’t rush your student into a major or career. Most eighteen-year-olds don’t have the wisdom to be sure of such an important decision. Pushing them into a major or a career they have no interest in is a recipe for trouble.
Talk about finances. Let your student know what will and will not contribute to college expenses. Help them develop a budget. If your student is applying for an “emergency” credit card, a good rule of thumb is: if you can eat, drink, or use it, it’s not an emergency.
Let your child know about important family matters, even if the news isn’t good. While not all family issues need to be shared, hiding developments from students can make them anxious as they imagine what else might be going on at home without their knowledge.
Remind yourself that the character you worked to develop will continue to guide you. Students often experiment with values that may be more permissive than those at home; this is a normal part of developing identity and independence apart from their parents. Try bending over a bit.
Contact: Ginny Cramer, [email protected]
Source: www.jmu.edu