You have observed someone who has potential. How do you get the ball rolling?
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Many people turn to therapy for help with their love life. They may say things like:
“I know there’s a spark there, but how do I make things work?” “I must be the worst person in the world to take the first step.” “Why can’t I be braver in my love life?”
Here, I’ll talk about three things you can do when you don’t know how to relate to a new romantic interest.
#1. Accept the vulnerability
Expressing or hinting at romantic attraction is an inherently vulnerable act; that’s why they call it “expose”. Instead of avoiding feeling vulnerable, try your best to accept it. Psychologists call this cognitive reframing. It’s a well-studied technique used to help people deal with overwhelming emotions, among other things.
To help you reframe your feelings of vulnerability, remember that those butterflies in your stomach are a good sign—it means you’re alive and well. It’s a gift to be able to feel buoyed up by a new love interest, regardless of the outcome.
It’s also worth keeping in mind that your feelings of vulnerability aren’t one-sided; your romantic target is probably repressing the same feelings.
Psychologists will tell you that one of the best ways to get a sense of what another person is feeling is to imagine how you would feel in the same situation. This type of reasoning, sometimes called egocentric projection, works because people are much more alike than they are different. Sure, there are personality differences, cultural differences, and differences in beliefs and attitudes. But generally speaking, the things that make you happy, sad, angry, relaxed, and upset are the same things that make others feel this way.
We are all sensitive to our social environment and the relationships we have with others. We’ve all felt slighted, ashamed, proud, and vulnerable before. It is rare for one person to experience an emotion that another person does not.
Acknowledging that both of you are likely experiencing feelings of vulnerability can help clear the air for a refreshing, honest dialogue.
#two. Keep your life moving
Just as your financial advisor might tell you not to put all your financial eggs in one basket, the same rule applies to your love life.
It’s great to identify a romantic interest. It’s even better when you work up the courage to commit to that person. However, it is not healthy to stop your life dead in its tracks to see if the attraction is reciprocal.
Don’t plan your life around what may or may not be. Don’t check your social media fifty times a day to see if you’ve been pinged. Do not break previously made plans with friends and family in the hope that something might materialize with this person.
Instead, go on living your life and let fate decide if it’s meant to be. Not only are you doing yourself a favor for your mental health, but you’re also signaling independence to this person, which is an attractive quality in its own right.
#3. be your real self
It’s also important to always be yourself when you commit to a new romantic interest. Never try to be who you think they want you to be.
Psychologists will tell you that acting authentically is one of the pillars of happiness.
“Simply put, authenticity means being true to yourself,” says psychologist Petra Kipfelsberger of the University of St. Gallen in Switzerland. “There is a plethora of research on authenticity showing its importance to well-being.”
conclusion
Exposing yourself can sometimes seem like a life or death task. But is not. The next time someone picks up her romantic interest, try to (1) accept her feelings of vulnerability, (2) participate while keeping your life moving, and (3) approach the person with a strong sense of authenticity.
Source: www.forbes.com